First the pervert.
There he (or she) is, deep in the bowels of Highland Council staring intently at his traffic camera monitor, impatiently tapping his fingers on the desk.
There I am, behind the wheel, minding my own business when he suddenly spots me. He immediately springs into action, typing furiously into his keyboard.
As I approach the next electronic road sign, I am aware of his devious little mind. Here are some more examples of his perverted literary skills.
BE A COURTEOUS DRIVE
ALLOW FASTER VEHICLES
TO OVERTAKE SAFELYOh, I suppose that's meant to include the boy racer in his 1.1 Renault Cleo whose been sitting on me rear bumper for the last two miles when he knows perfectly well that I cannot get back into the inside lane because of the volume of traffic.
CAUTION
HEAVY SNOW FORECAST
DRIVE SAFELY Oh really ! And here's me wondering what the hard packed white stuff under my wheels, which has made the road more like the cresta run than the A9, was. To be fair I should have guessed, what with three foot high snow drifts on either side of me and the horizontal snow storm driving against the windscreen
Of course there are only certain times of the year when the little swine can use that one. But he does have a varied repertoire on which he readily calls. Here's particular favourite of his
CAUTION
HIGH RISK OF DEER
ON THE ROAD.Now I admit to not being Lewis Hamilton, but I would dearly love to ask him just exactly what the purpose of this message is.
Just exactly what does he expect me to do when this great beast bounds out of nowhere only a few feet in front of my car. I'll tell him. There is not a blind thing that I (or he) could do. Billy Connolly has more chance of achieving the Catholic with drawl method at he point of ejaculation than avoiding a deer who decides to cross the road at the very moment you pass by.
And worse of all, I can just see the little smirk on his warped face as the pushes the button to display it on the sign just before the Kessock Bridge.
The there's the hitch-hikers. Now I have absolutely nothing against hitch-hikers. In fact I have often stopped to pick them up. Strangely, I never seem to come across male hitch-hikers.
But I've given up counting the number of times recently when I've seen them trying to thumb a lift a full 50 yards from the major roundabout out of Inverness. How in heaven's name to they expect any driver to be able to stop in such a short distance after exiting the roundabout is beyond me
Here's what happened to one poor hitch-hiker when a driver did tried to stop to offer him a lift.
