Now I like to eat. I also like to cook. I am interested in food. You won't catch me in any bloody McDonalds plastic purgatory - never been in one, never will be. But ...
... on BBC2 tonight at 7.30 is the Great British Menu, followed at 8.00 by The Hairy Bikers: Everyday Gourmets, followed at 9.00 by an entire hour of Masterchef: The Professionals Uncovered which is just a posh title for a damned highlights programme of previous Masterchef programmes. To escape from this avalanche calorific excess you can switch to ITV where there is, oh no!, the first of a new series, Carol Vorderman's Food Glorious Food which is - guess what - a cooking competition in which "only [pause] one person [long pause with sombre overtones] will go forward to [excruciatingly long pause with intimations of destiny] the semi-final !!!!!!!! Oh, for goodness sake - ENOUGH.
It is like the copycat restaurants on the prom in Calis - if one "Mexican" restaurant does weell there will be 17 next year. Estimates say that 23% of the UK population of this country is televisually obese simply from watching too many TV food programmes. If consumer research is correct saying that there is a negative correlation between volume of cooking programmes and incidence of home cooking - i.e. the more programmes the less home cooking - it is little wonder that much of the British diet is composed of processed, reconstituted, animal and vegetable waste to be warmed up in a microwave (if you can be bothered to go through all that cooking fuss, otherwise eat it cold).
Still I suppose I can always go to "catch up TV" and watch Flog It, Money in the Attic, Antiques Roadshow, Antiques R Us, Steal Your Grandparents Goodies, Auction It !!!, A Fortune in the Garage, Celebrity Flog It, Celebrity Money in the Attic, Celeb Antiques R Us ...............
AAARGHH !!!
