Again posted pervioulsy, but I've had a bad day so here it is again.....
FIRSTLY, WOMEN AT CASH MACHINES:
What is it that these people know that I don't - what functions does the machine perform that they know about but I don't - there must be something - the time they take - the number of buttons they press. - are they typing in an e-mail or writing there will - what !
And after they've been at it for three or four minutes - the rain starts to get heavier - oh yes - these people never go to the very cash machine I'm waiting to use when its sunny - only when its raining !
Then after an eternity they put everything in their pockets and you think - yes at last I'll get to the machine.
Not a hope in hell - oh no - they have to have yet another print-out - God knows what its contents are but they insist on studying as though they were the Chancellor of the Exchequer - and not somewhere to the side of the machine I am waiting to use mind you - oh no - they don't move an inch - just carry on reading it while still facing the dormant machine.
By the time I finally get to use the damned machine I'm like a drowned rat
SECONDLY, WOMEN AT TESCOS CHECK-OUTS:
There they are with 40 or 50 items - not saying anything simply watching the items passing along the belt and being swiped - and, of course, having somebody pack them for them because they're too lazy to do it themselves
And every time without fail it's the same - not until the last item is in the polybag do they even think about getting their purses out to pay - why do they wait so long - don't they realise that they will have to pay at some point - anyway when they finally decide that they are going to have to pay - they start to rummage in this bloody great rucksack of a thing - after about five minutes of moving the contents of the rucksack from side to side they eventually produce a purse- and of course what's in the purse - at least 15 money-off vouchers all of which have to be individually processed - many minutes have now passed since the last item was swiped and bagged - but what the hell - you take your time dear - there's no rush
Eventually it's time to enter her pin number - and can she remember it - no chance - I feel as though I'm back watching the Weakest Link - finally however she remembers all four digits and starts to pay - in the smallest denomination of our currency- "how much is that my dear - £ 12.87 - ok hang on - there's four pound coins and three fifty pees - how much am I still you - aghhhhhhh - I'm standing there thinking I'll pay it - just go - now you think she's finally going to leave the check-out to you - right
- wrong !!!! - up unitl now this whole scenario has been played out with very little dialogue.
It is only after she has totally concluded her transaction and you dare to believe it's your turn to be served
that she addresses the check-out girl "
How is your mother Michelle - haven't seen her in ages - how's her knee - is it any better - I'm having terrible trouble with my back" - that's normally when I snap and offer some friendly advice
"Excuse me - but are to going to be chatting here all day - only this fresh milk will be off in a couple of days and I'd like to get it home before it goes off - nightmare total nightmare !!!
WOMEN AT PETROL STATIONS:
Women at petrol stations drive me insane.
Do they fill up, pay, get back in the car and immediately drive off -. NO !.
They fill up and pay - but only after having a long conversation about Michelle's mother's knee, do they back in car.
Then they rummage in obligatory rucksack on the passenger seat for two minutes - making sure that all the feminine "bits" are in the right place - adjust their make-up of course - then do they drive off ??
Oh no . ! - then they go back into the shop because they've forgotten to get the receipt that will allow their government-employed husbands to fiddle their expenses.
AND LASTLY BUT BT NO MEANS LEAST WOMEN AT THE TEN ITEMS OR LESS TILL:
Meanwhile back in Tesco's - there they are - the retards who take great trolley loads of produce to the 10 items or less check-out.
Didn't you go to primary school - haven't you learnt to read or count - castration would be too good for these people - and the worst examples of these cretins - the ones who have maybe 15 items in the trolley including 8 tins of beans - and when I let out a loud cough and tut - I do - they deserve it - they smile innocently back as if to suggest that the 8 tins of beans count as one item - no they bloody don't - they count as eight - now hurry up you winker - bloody spell-check's useless.
PS Fuly expect the nxt title in this thread to be "people who make great long posts" but hey-ho
