A guy goes out after work with some buds. An hour in and his friend notices all he's drinking is ginger ale.
"What's up with this?"
"Aww, I have to stay straight. Every time I get ****-faced, I end up vomiting all over myself and my wife knows I've been out drinking with the boys."
"Oh, please! Listen- enjoy yourself! Here 's what you do: Tuck a $50 bill in your front pocket, and should the worst happen, tell your wife that some drunk threw up on your shirt and gave you $50 for the dry cleaning!"
"Wow! That would totally work!"
The guy staggers home at midnight, shirt covered in fresh vomit.
"Oh", says his wife. "I see you're drunk again. How nice!"
"No! You got it all wrong! I had to work late, and as I was getting off the subway, some drunk walks up and pukes all over me! But here- look! He gave me $50 for the dry cleaning!"
The wife gingerly reaches into his pocket and extracts two, $50 bills.
"Hey- you said he gave you $50. There's $100 here?"
"Oh, yeah... the same guy also **** my pants."
