Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of
'ASYLUM'
Today's programme features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:
HIJACK AN AIRLINER
and win
A COUNCIL HOUSE!
We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor,
The British Taxpayer
and don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet
Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport, and you only need one word of English:
'ASYLUM'
Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more by begging, mugging, burgling and accosting drivers at traffic lights.
This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.
No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable.
All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password:
'ASYLUM'
A few years ago, 140 members of a Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury
£200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel.
They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain .......
Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area in Historic Bedfordshire.
If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience
Just apply for legal aid
Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help - FREE
It won't cost you a penny
It could change your life forever
So play today
Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil Tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas....the list is endless
EVERYONE IS WELCOME - INCLUDING ALL YOUR OWN WIVES AND CHILDREN
COME ON DOWN !
Get along to the airport! Get along to the lorry park!
Get along to the ferry terminal! Don't stop in Germany or France!
All European countries will willingly speed you on your way!
Come straight to Britain
And you are:
**** GUARANTEED ****
to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth
Everyone's a winner, when they play
'ASYLUM'
