October 2010 London
BLOG 37: the outside world
OH is back in his bed in the ITU. So far, at least, there is no deterioration after the follow-up surgery. This is good.
I think briefly of life outside this bubble, and with a start, realize that I have not contacted work. My colleagues at College knew that OH’s operation was imminent – they must be wondering what’s happened. I can’t face ringing them, so I send an email to HR, together with one to my Head of Department and one to a close colleague, who I know will tell the others. In view of the situation I tell them that I would like to take ‘leave of absence’ for the rest of this term, and resume work after Xmas. I’m thinking that when OH returns home (and I know he will) he will require a lot of care – and anyway, I don’t think I could face students while worrying about him.
I can imagine the difficulties that this will cause having not had an opportunity to give longer notice. The college will have to get part-time suitable cover and in the meantime, my poor overburdened colleagues will have to step in. And my students – the start of this new academic year has just got underway and students are adjusting to their new curriculum. Dropping them like this, just as they are getting going, will cause some problems, especially to those in my lowest level group. As well as being a course leader I’m also a ‘group tutor’ which means that I’m responsible for pastoral care for that particular group. Basically, this means I keep a close eye on their attendance and watch out for anything that may be hindering their progress e.g. bullying or family problems. It often means ringing their home and speaking to a worried Mum. Unless HR appoint someone who takes this part of the job seriously, my group’s PIs (performance indicators i.e. attendance figures, drop out rate, achievement of qualification, high grades etc)– will plummet. In my previous life as a Department Head, I know that this is really the only thing College Managers care about, other than funding. These ‘PIs’ inform league tables and future student intakes which all come down to ££££s. I so much more enjoy being at the coal face, actually teaching students and from time to time, have congratulated myself for stepping away from management by taking this job of teaching Art and Design at my local 6th form college.
Right now these college concerns seem surprisingly unimportant. I’m pleased when I get a prompt return email from HR telling me that my job remains open and wishing me and OH well – just to keep them informed. I don’t feel like having to respond to umpteen phone calls from family and friends, so I also send a group email to them saying that I will keep them informed as to OH’s progress by group email. Funny how things of seeming major importance suddenly recede when there is a different priority.
Our villa! I realize that not only have I not received any recent photos from L, but this is the first time I’ve thought of it for days! From today’s perspective, maybe the whole enterprise was a stupendous, ridiculous mistake. Maybe it was a way of not facing up to the immediate challenge – for both of us. Right now, as with College, I don’t care. Let them get on with the building – or not – I’ll think about it later.
OH remains motionless.
The monitors continue to whir and click and flash their patterns.
We, his closest loved ones, hover by his bed, two at a time – looking and praying for a sign of consciousness.
. . . to be continued . . .usually posted on Thursday