Children Paying Rent to Parents

[julesbob0303]

I'm just interested in other members views on this.

I have four "children" - a son of 25, and three daughters aged 21, 18 and 15.  The oldest, our son, has been living with his girlfriend for almost four years.  He paid a nominal amount once he was working full time, even though he wasn't in a well paid job.  (He was often reluctant to cough up, and had to be reminded!)

Our eldest daughter has just graduated from university, and has now been offered a full time job, starting in a couple of weeks time.  At the moment, she's working full time in a temporary job, and has been for some weeks.  Before that, she had a part time job, which she started at 15.

The middle daughter has decided not to return to college in September and it looks as if she has secured a full time job in a local family-run supermarket.  Not brilliant, but at least it's a job.  Again, she should be starting in a couple of weeks time.  Like her older sister, she has also worked part time since she was 15.

Both put in extra hours during holidays etc with their part time jobs and earned quite decent money, buying their own clothes, cinema tickets etc.

I now feel that with full time permanent jobs looming that they should pay their way.  Neither of them does anything to help at home.  (The eldest will do her own washing, to be fair, but that's about it!)  It's a real effort for them just to clean their own bedrooms, and I have to nag for days before it is done.  Their piles of ironing can lie around for a couple of days before they bother to put it away.

We know this is our own fault, and they should have been made to do small jobs at an earlier age, but with four young kids, it was always quicker to do things ourselves, rather than wait for them to do it.

None of the girl's friends pay rent, and both are going to be appalled when I broach the subject!  I googled a student forum earlier today and had a look at comments made by other "kids" of this age.  About 80% seemed to think it was their given right to "freeload" (their word, not mine!) off their parents, no matter how much they earned, or despite their age (some of them were well into their twenties)!!  The general opinion was that their parents chose to have them, so it was up to them to look after them, until they chose to leave home!!

My personal opinion is that it teaches your kids the value of money, and that just because you earn money, it may have to help with other things, other than just spending it all on clothes and socialising.  I have made a list of our monthly outgoings (mortgage, gas, electricity, telephone, broadband, council tax, water rates, food bill etc) that I feel they should be making a (small) contribution towards if they are working full time.

As much as I love my kids, I'd like to think that one day, they will move out and we can live out our old age in peace and quiet!  I feel that whilst we are "keeping" them, they'll never want to leave!  We are still parenting every single day with our 15 year old, who will push the boundaries as much as she possibly can.  After 25 years day in, day out, of doing this, it's really wearing thin, and we look forward to the day when we have the house to ourselves.  Yes, we chose to have four children (more than most!) and we love them dearly, and wouldn't change a thing if we had our time again.  My guilt at moaning about them worsens when I think of a dear work colleague who has just lost her only child (a lad of ten) to cancer.  Like any parent, I just cannot begin to think of the grief she must be going through.  It's every parent's worst nightmare.

It's things like this that make me think - should I just let them enjoy their wages, and hope that one day, they will fall in love and marry, and move out happily, knowing we had cared for them for as long as we were able.

Or should I instil the value of money into them, and make them pay their way with a weekly contribution to the family bills?

We both work full time.  Between us, we earn fairly decent money, but are a long long way from being loaded (despite what the kids think!) Every month is a struggle as we like our holidays and feel we deserve them, since we work hard.

What are other member's opinions on this, and how have you got around this issue?  Look forward to your comments .........  

[puma]

my two boys when they lived at home paid their way and never moaned at all about it

[Eric]

£25 per week seems reasonable.  Where else can they get full board, lodgings and servants for that amount?

[tonysue]

They simply must pay their way Jules. To let them "freeload" is to do them a disservice, they have to learn to manage money and where their responsibilities lie. Too often people get into financial difficulties, because they dont take control, always blaming the bank/credit card company for lending, never themselves for spending what they dont have. The amount they pay should be proportionate to their disposable income, if child number1  has more than child number2 they should pay more, after allowing for bus fares, student loan repayments etc. Point out its not just what they eat, its what they use gas, electric, water, etc.
When my kids were in full time education their money from part-time jobs was their own, once they joined the real world they paid, all be it a small amount.

[Anne]

My two have always paid Julie.  
I insisted on it for all the reasons you've already stated.  £100 per month, which I feel is really fair considering they have had or have everything done for them.
Our son, before he left home gave it no problem.  Our daughter however has the attitude of those on the student forum you mention and I've to remind her every month. I shall continue to remind her and she will continue to pay or else she'll find herself homeless.
I'm of the opinion that if it was good enough for me and Billy then it's good enough for them.  They need to learn how it is in the real world.

[Elsa Padfield]

Our eldest daughter paid her board when she worked during the hols from university.  I think I asked for 10% of her wages which wasn't much at the time.  When she finished university, she bought her own flat and hasn't lived at home since.  The youngest has gone to uni and not come home in the hols although she does come on holiday with us - and we pay for that pleasure. I think that they should pay thier way otherwise how do they know how to manage financially and budget for what they want?  Good luck incidentelly.

[Highlander]

With the greatest respect Jules, no comment.

[nichola]

I had to pay my mum and dad one third of my earnings as soon as I started to earn a salary. It wasn't negotiable.

I was also encouraged to save a third and continued to do that after I left home.

It helped me have respect for what I earned and the value of my contribution. It also helped me to manage a budget when I left home and I am still very careful with money.

On the other hand my brother ran up massive debts on credit cards at age 18 and had to be bailed out by my parents and he is still a risk taker where money is concerned - fortunately for him he is very talented at what he does and earns a bomb so can afford to be.

[heather07]

My children both paid there way.  £100 a month was a reasonable sum then and that was eight to ten years ago.

Both had tried flats and were quite happy to pay.

Point out how much it cost for rent etc if they had their own place.

[dycedon]

Our 2 paid when they were at home, some months if they had something special on we let it slip, but not very often, they must pay board, even if just a nominal amount, if in doubt chuck them out, that was what i was told when i lived at home.