What Has Happened To Menu's in the UK

[Scunner]

A new language has appeared in Britain, the language of the pretentious menu. I don't remember such junk being written a few years back.

'Jus' - 'Confit' - 'Ballotine' - just tell me what the food is and stop this rubbish  

OK, I know we have some chef's on CBF, but for the rest of us, who can explain exactly what these are:

Buckwheat Blinis with Gravadlax, Caviar and Herb Crème Fraiche

Venison Cutlet served on Pan Roasted Butternut Squash, Braised Shallots. Girolles and Galette Potato

Ballotine of Foie Gras and Corn Fed Chicken. Served with a Compote of Macerated Cherries and Toasted Brioch

Plain English only  

You can't even ask for a coffee anymore, they look at you like you are thick - I don't know if I want a 'lar-tay', an americano or a bloody skinny whatsit.

Furthermore, I am buying one because I recently woke up and need one. Now is not the time to quiz me on whether I want an Espresso, Espresso Ristretto or indeed an Espresso Macchiato. Just give me a coffee and leave me alone