Quick Quips

[Colwyn]

Are you ever somewhere when someone comes up with a quick comment and you think "I wish I had said that"?

I was sitting at the bar in pub when a customer came in and ordered a pint of best bitter. As the barmaid banged his pint down on the bar one of the lamp bulbs from the canopy over the bar popped out and dropped pecisely into the middle of his glass. The pint glass shattered and beer exploded all over the bar and the customer. To the amazement of all of the regulars the bulb itself, sitting in the middle of the debris, was quite unbroken. As we all sat there with our mouths open the customer quietly quipped: "I didn't order a light ale".

Have you got a favourite?

[Scunner]

He deserved a round of applause from all, I do hope he got one

[Rimms]

My Mother, (76 years of age) recently bought some furniture from DFS, as a nice reward they do a pensioners day out where they have lunch and tour their factory. Unfortunately, during this tour my old Mum fell into the DFS upholstery machine. When I called the hospital to check on her, they told me she was "Comfortable and almost fully recovered"

[stoop]

lol- not a quip but in the pub. Last night we had our Golfer's Xmas bash in York. 9 of us were sat in a rather busy pub when the 10th member arrived. As a token of our appreciation we all gave him a round of applause and to our delight the whole pub stood up and cheered him with one quit witted guy shouting 'the beers are on him!'

I've never seen a guy go from being so pleased to panicking so fast.

[sunnyd]

quote:Originally posted by Colwyn

Are you ever somewhere when someone comes up with a quick comment and you think "I wish I had said that"?

Nearly everyday when I worked for the Godly Sir Scunner :D

[Highlander]

I can believe that sunnyd.

I've posted this before but I did enjoy it.

On day three of our holiday we were lying by the pool. Some new arrivals came along and as the gentleman arranged his towel on the sun lounger, he innocently asked Brenda "how long she had been here".

"Since just after breakfast time" was her classic reply.

[Scunner]

The times of Yetkin/Scunner/Nikkie in Calis were without doubt some of the funniest years of my life, we used to cry laughing at some situations and comments.

Back to topic, H reminds me of a story.

Mrs Scunner was telling me of a holiday in Spain she had before we met. On the beach she was apparently unfortunate enough to get stung by a nasty Spanish bee. There must have been a reaction to the sting, as she informed me it became swollen and very large indeed - in fact, she had to go and see a local doctor. Being a gentleman I was keen to show great concern about this swelling. "You had to go to the doctor? Jeez how big was it?" - "Oh not that big, about the size of our living room"...

[Highlander]

Brenda's mother on her one and only visit to Turkey to celebrate her 80th birthday, to a shop keeper when paying for an item she'd bought, she handed him a bundle of notes and stated, somewhat indignantly, "You sort it out, I don't understand your funny money"

Family members exit hurriedly stage left.

[Gorgeous_bird]

I am currently recovering from surgery. We went to our local pub quiz last sunday night with our neighbours - the neighbour drove and he took a hump back bridge over the Grand Union canal at some speed which I found somewhat unconfortable and yelped a little in pain. On the return journey he slowed right down to which I said -thanks Tom thats much better a nice slow hump. He may aswell have gone fast as we all flippin laughed our way home which was equally as painful as a fast hump.

[Jacqui Harvey]

A few years ago we had a friend who worked in Boots.  An elderly couple asked her the difference between Boots own toilet paper and a well know make.  My friend said, very innocently "On the whole they are both the same".  This is a true story and we often laugh about it. Incidently the couple did not pick up on the word play.