Airports Worse Than Dalaman for Something...

[suehugh]

A true commutor flight from a lake in Sweden to Stockholm
A small airfield by a lake and steel mill in Sweden.About 50 people milling about a small building which was locked.30 mins before plane departure, a car drives up. two people alight. Doors are unlocked, we are ushered in, our tickets were checked, our baggage weighed. The plane left on time.
As the plane left, the airport was locked up again (keeps the local moose out apparantly)

All airports should be like this

[Colwyn]

I once took a flight from Kristiansand in Norway to Copenhagen. I had been attending a conference and some of our Norweigen hosts came to the airport to wave goodbye. I checked our tickets to ensure the three of us travellers had been put close together. One of the conference hosts said "Oh you have been allocated seats! That's unusual". To which I had to reply "What do you usually have to sit on - beer crates?". Yes, yes, very silly - but I get that way.

[Snapper]

It was a few years ago,before the Iron Curtain came down,that I found myself having to get a flight from Odessa in the Crimea(former Soviet Republic)to Frankfurt in West Germany.The Aeroflot bomber,which I am convinced it was,was sitting on the runway and I was herded aboard with a group of German tourists who had had their cruise around the Black Sea terminated due to Chernobyl nuclear power station trying to burn its way through to Australia.As I tried to find my designated seat on the alraedy full plane ,I spotted a young lady who I had not had a chance to say goodbye to come towards me with a huge bunch of flowers."BEEELLLL"she said in the Russian way of pronouncing Bill,"You did not say goodbye".How the heck did you get on the plane I asked her,"Is no problem,i went to school with guard on gate"Thats how things worked then,Its not what you know,its who you know.This series of eyeopeners contnued when I found I had no actual seat to sit in."Niet Problem" said the Senior Commandant,sorry stewardess,a deckchair ,complete with stripy fabric was produced and placed behind the pilots door and at take off I slid backwards down the centre aisle.Can this get more surreal I thought.YES.The stewardess then came round and asked if we would like a drink.If you said"DA",thinking that a welcome G&T might be coming your way,you were quickly disillussioned. You were given the communal plastic glass and water was poured from a jug into it.The warder,sorry stewardess, then stood and waited while you drank it before moving on to the next victim,sorry passenger.These days with Thomas Cook,Monarch,etc.looking after us I wonder how I ever made it through the 20th Century without Health and Safety looking after me.  Bill.

[Scunner]

Great Story Bill!

[starman™]

My least favorite airports are Charles de Gal, O'hare, LAX and Heathrow. All absolute nightmares especially Charles de gal with its rude and arrognat french lot.
Barcelona one of my favourites.

[Colwyn]

I flew into Charles de Gaulle by British Airways from London to meet a French colleague and then to continue with Air France to Lyon. The BA flight was late. BA and AF are not best chums and seem not to talk to each other. I asked a steward if it possible to contact AF to hold for 10 minutes tp give us a chance of maling the connection. He did one of those breathing-in-deeply-between-clenched-teeth-and-making-a-whoosing-sound things, sadly shook his head and said "Air France? Blimey, you'd be lucky". I ended up  galloping from Arrivals to Departures - only to find the AF flight was delayed 20 minutes on takeoff. So, beathless, I met up with my colleague.

[puma]

what is the airport at lanzarote like

[tonyb]

Constanza(Romania)in 1980. Never heard of it ? I don't think our pilot had either, bloody plane dropped like a stone with 10 Minutes to arival, I seriously thought we'd had it. When we arrived, I wish we had. What a sh**hole. No bloody wander they're all over here.

[Piscoe]

Has to be Rio de Janeiro, especially if you arrive from another South American country. Once landed there never seems to be an air bridge available so you get all the crush of a bus.

Once in the terminal you must then queue for the medical police who will check to see you have had yellow fever jabs. If not you will then stand in another queue for said jab for which you will pay $50. Once through there you will then queue for immigration. Being a major international airport there are of course a dozen immigration slots but only one is manned.

Once through you must then use telepathy to find out where your luggage is. Once you have that then you can contemplate the transfer flight. You will have to form an orderly queue at the airport tax desk. Of course there is only one of these and it is not sign posted. Unless you have done the journey a number of times you will only find out about the airport tax desk after having queued at your allotted check-in desk only to be told you cannot check in until you have paid your taxes.

Taxes paid, you can then queue at check-in (again) and then proceed to domestic departures which is miles away and requires using a telepathic sense of direction. You arrive at the gate to find you have missed your connection but the next bit almost makes the rest seem ok. The gate staff simply said "don't worry why dont you just get on that plane instead?" "I don't have a boarding pass for that plane, my luggage is now on the plane that has left and its a different airline" says I. "Don't worry, this happens all the time. Just grab any seat and tell them Fabiano sent you!"

I get on to find one seat available so take it waiting to be challenged but find that the doors are quickly closed and we are off. I am not on the manifest unless Fabiano has let them know. I arrive at Curitiba to find I now need to track my luggage down. My luggage is in a quiet corner of the hall having clearly been tampered with. Anything of value having now been removed.

I know since 9/11 this could not happen but I assure you in 1997 it certainly did. The place is/was a bloody nightmare!

[Sandrats]

In the late nineties I worked in Nigeria (you know where this is going all ready dont you).  I flew out of Lagos airport several times, the international flights could be interesting, what with some of security staff trying to scam money out of you for whatever they thought they could, then sitting on the floor (there were no chairs of any description) in the dark with no air con (the electric had gone off, quite normal for Lagos).  When the departure gate changed this was announced by a gentleman from the staff telling one or two people on the edge of the herd, of the one hundred and something there, and hoping that they would tell everyone else - still in the total dark dont forget!  Arriving could be even more fun, with the local thieves running onto the runway and robbing suitcases from the holds of taxiing planes!  Then the company 'security adviser' 'guided' you through passport and customs to stop you being ripped off for something!
Internal flights, well, all I can say is that the Foreign office advised against traveling on internal flights at any time, and the staff, systems, seating arrangement make Ryan air look positively pleasent, in fact they make Micheal Leary look good!
On the up side the CEO of the company and I ware late catching a flight, by the liberal use of wads of cash the flight was held up for us for approx 15 mins, the looks from the passengers already on the plane, (with no aircon and the door open) was not particulary pleasent either!
Oh well beat working for a living!