What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky. –
Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer.
Mary and Joseph - now they had a stable relationship.
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show.
What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker. –
Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital?
Because he has private elf care
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger.
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered.
How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?
You've got three extra hoes. –
Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison?
Because it was a repeat offender.
Why did Harry Styles fail at being Santa? Because he can only use the chimney in One Direction.
•Why did Rudolph the reindeer have the complete works of Shakespeare on his top lip? Because his nose was well read.
•Why can't you wash up during Christmas? Because the Fairy is on top of the tree
