Four weddings and a funeral

[Highlander]

We all have our memories of these momentous events in our lives. Here are my 4 and 1.

Wedding One: Miss Brenda Sharp and Mr John Stephen (first obviously) in the magnificent St. Andrews Cathedral Aberdeen (worth a Google - photo doesn't do it justice)

 



Memories: Going to collect my hire suit 2 hours before kick off, only to be told that they had never heard of me. Me standing behind Brenda's dad at the bar, listening to him giving the fatherly lecture on how to look after his daughter -  to the wrong person!. To be fair it was late in the evening and the other fellow did look a bit like me.

Wedding Two: A friend from Dingwalls' at a fancy hotel in Aberdeen.

Memories: We'd had had the meal and were all looking forward to the dancing and the odd dram, when the bridal party arrive on the floor and set up some music stands. Then a fellow with and accordion appeared. For the next half hour we were treated (subjected ?) to a series of madigrals and rounds. Strange.

Worst was to follow though. One of the bridesmaid then appeared. A rather large girl (it was hard not to think of Michelin) who had changed from her wedding outfit into a fluorescent pink catsuit which she amply filled. When she announced that she hadn't done this for some time I immediately thought - no can't be that surely and how. Anyway, she then proceeded to do a series of handsprings and cartwheels across the floor. Bizarre. Our table was the only one which partook of alcohol the entire evening.


Wedding Three: My best mate from school and life long friends' -Yours truly with big hair and unkempt beard in a morning suit if you can imagine (might post photo for a laugh nut I warn you it's far worse than Badger's Jason King).

Memories: The look on the brides face when I went to pick up the bridesmaids instead of the Best Man who had suddenly been taken ill. However, the Best Man (grooms' brother) is determined to carry out his duties at the service and somehow manages to. Then, just after I had finished my soup at the meal the groom taps me on the shoulder,  tells me that his brother has fall ill again and that I am to take over as Best Man again and that would include making a Best Man's speech. The drying cleaning bill on the morning suit soared at that moment.


Wedding Four: My mate from college's daughters'

Memories: An authentic traditional Highland Wedding. Reception held up a remote Highland Glen in a timber village hall with a corrugated iron roof. Inside of the hall has stags' heads all round and is bedecked in beautiful purple and green tartan.


 THIS IS NOT FROM THE WEDDING


After a wonderful buffet and then as soon as the music starts, the grooms' family and friends from Durham are  dragged on to the dance floor and encouraged to do all the Scottish dances which they thoroughly enjoy.

But my abiding memory will be of the grooms' father at 2:30am (clutching the remains of a bottle of single malt) getting on the bus to take us all back down the Glen. As he stepped over the piper, who was lying in a drunken stupor in the aisle of the bus, lovingly cradling his beloved pipes, and desperately trying to give us just one more rendition of Flo'er o' Scotland, he announced " My God you people know how to enjoy yourselves". Job done. (Lots more to tell from this one - but maybe another time)

Funeral One: Mr Eric Campbell - one of my neighbours.

A dreich day - cold, wet and miserable. A packed church had sat through a typically dour Church of Scotland funeral service for my neighbour who had died a fairly young man. The minister, in tones which could only be described as droll, had gone on for too long - and it had been mostly doom and gloom stuff. The family and assembled company were reaching the height of their grief. The sobbing all round the church audibly increased as the pall bearers raised the coffin and set off on my dear neighbours' final journey. As they did so the final piece of music began to play in the background and I thought - I recognise this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fKlORAIYkk

And I thought - nice one Eric, bloody nice one mate.

(Not for the first time, this post turned out longer then expected. If you are still reading, then as we say up here, "you're hardy")