Calis Beach and Fethiye Turkey Discussion Forum
General Topics => All things that have nothing to do with Turkey => Topic started by: Colwyn on December 04, 2010, 17:58:10 PM
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Are you ever somewhere when someone comes up with a quick comment and you think "I wish I had said that"?
I was sitting at the bar in pub when a customer came in and ordered a pint of best bitter. As the barmaid banged his pint down on the bar one of the lamp bulbs from the canopy over the bar popped out and dropped pecisely into the middle of his glass. The pint glass shattered and beer exploded all over the bar and the customer. To the amazement of all of the regulars the bulb itself, sitting in the middle of the debris, was quite unbroken. As we all sat there with our mouths open the customer quietly quipped: "I didn't order a light ale".
Have you got a favourite?
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He deserved a round of applause from all, I do hope he got one :D
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My Mother, (76 years of age) recently bought some furniture from DFS, as a nice reward they do a pensioners day out where they have lunch and tour their factory. Unfortunately, during this tour my old Mum fell into the DFS upholstery machine. When I called the hospital to check on her, they told me she was "Comfortable and almost fully recovered"
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lol- not a quip but in the pub. Last night we had our Golfer's Xmas bash in York. 9 of us were sat in a rather busy pub when the 10th member arrived. As a token of our appreciation we all gave him a round of applause and to our delight the whole pub stood up and cheered him with one quit witted guy shouting 'the beers are on him!'
I've never seen a guy go from being so pleased to panicking so fast.
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quote:
Originally posted by Colwyn
Are you ever somewhere when someone comes up with a quick comment and you think "I wish I had said that"?
Nearly everyday when I worked for the Godly Sir Scunner :D:D
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I can believe that sunnyd.
I've posted this before but I did enjoy it.
On day three of our holiday we were lying by the pool. Some new arrivals came along and as the gentleman arranged his towel on the sun lounger, he innocently asked Brenda "how long she had been here".
"Since just after breakfast time" was her classic reply.
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The times of Yetkin/Scunner/Nikkie in Calis were without doubt some of the funniest years of my life, we used to cry laughing at some situations and comments.
Back to topic, H reminds me of a story.
Mrs Scunner was telling me of a holiday in Spain she had before we met. On the beach she was apparently unfortunate enough to get stung by a nasty Spanish bee. There must have been a reaction to the sting, as she informed me it became swollen and very large indeed - in fact, she had to go and see a local doctor. Being a gentleman I was keen to show great concern about this swelling. "You had to go to the doctor? Jeez how big was it?" - "Oh not that big, about the size of our living room"...
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Brenda's mother on her one and only visit to Turkey to celebrate her 80th birthday, to a shop keeper when paying for an item she'd bought, she handed him a bundle of notes and stated, somewhat indignantly, "You sort it out, I don't understand your funny money" :o
Family members exit hurriedly stage left. :)
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I am currently recovering from surgery. We went to our local pub quiz last sunday night with our neighbours - the neighbour drove and he took a hump back bridge over the Grand Union canal at some speed which I found somewhat unconfortable and yelped a little in pain. On the return journey he slowed right down to which I said -thanks Tom thats much better a nice slow hump. He may aswell have gone fast as we all flippin laughed our way home which was equally as painful as a fast hump.
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A few years ago we had a friend who worked in Boots. An elderly couple asked her the difference between Boots own toilet paper and a well know make. My friend said, very innocently "On the whole they are both the same". This is a true story and we often laugh about it. Incidently the couple did not pick up on the word play.
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In my local last week one one regular - a rather well-spoken, polite and precise gentleman - had obviously been enjoying the hospitality all afternoon. He had trouble putting on his coat. You know the situation; you've got one arm in the sleeve and are then waving your second arm around vainly looking for the other slleve. One of the curmudgeons at the bar went over to help him. Finally he was properly coated. As he left one chap said how nice it was to see people each other out. In chipped a dry voice from the far end of the bar: "Pity it was the wrong coat".
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Visiting someone in hospital a few years ago and trying not to listen to the conversation at the next bed (but failing miserably) the visitor asked if the patient was feeling any better. "I'm much better than I was because the doctor came round this morning". "Oh that is good news" the visitor replied "had he been unconscious for long?"
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The wife and daughter were walking down into Hisaronu last August when they saw 2 camels in the market place waiting to give rides. "Oh look at those poor camels, I bet they are are hot" said the wife. My daughter replied "Mother, they are camels and live in the desert". The wife needs to get out more!
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I remember years ago my brother got on the bus. He paid his fare and sat down.
A few stops later an inspector came on. Checking the tickets, he asked my bro "how did you get on this bus?"
"In the door there, same as everybody else" was his reply
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I once asked a work colleague who was getting married the next day if he was nervous, he replied that he was. I asked was it his first time? (meaning getting married). He said "No I have been nervous before" ;)
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A man in my local was sitting on the end of a bench in the garden just raising his arm to sup a pint when everyone else stood up, he fell to the floor in exactly the same position he was sitting in and as the beer spilled over his face he said "gravity's a bugger you know"
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The one that I can always remember was my brothers. He manages a tyre fitting depot in Northampton and one day a rather unfortunate young lady turned up with a flat tyre. My brother valiantly strode over and asked her how he might help. She said she would be happy with just the spare being put on until she could show her father the damaged tyre.
Brother quickly obliged and opened the boot in search of the spare. Of course the boot was full of the young lady's shopping. She innocently said "oh, shall I get my bits out?" to which my brother replied "no love cash will be fine!"
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Heres another one from my Little Black Book; Years ago when I was a humble policeman, I was sitting in a police van on Epsom Downs with 10 other cops. This was just after Derby Day, so the place was still packed out with gipsys. We were watching out of the back window at 2 gipsy boys aged about 4 or 5. One was laying on the ground, whilst the other one was kicking him. After about 2 minutes, the one laying on the ground stood up and started speaking to the other lad. I said to the other cops "I bet hes saying, "Now its my turn to be the policeman"".