Dearest Fluffy -noterrealname
This is to inform you that you are now under investigation for attempted fratricide, or reckless behaviour likely to endanger the lives of your nearest and dearest.
Now we know that you largely raised Tricky - notisrealname - after you stopped looking as if your tail was in the electric socket, and we know he thinks he is a cat -(when he isn't thinking he is a human), - but his bird catching successes, even of my favourite little robins, do not warrant any attempts upon his life.
So in the meantime whilst you are on this probationary period please avoid the handling any more dangerous creatures. We know that Tricky -notisrealname - is likely to avoid the snakes you seem to enjoy rolling and writhing upon as he jumped backwards from the last one you brought in, once he saw what it really was, but as he held one of your locusts for you despite being totally perplexed by the buzzing it made on the end of his mouth we feel we cannot rely upon him being wised up on those things with the stings in their tails!
With the expectation of exemplarary behaviour from now on
Your devoted slave
no sorry
your sensible owner
oh I don't know
ds or so
ds or so
?
