Reports are coming in of a large, red-faced and probably inebriated individual driving a sleigh hauled by a team of reindeer. He is suspected of disturbing the peace, causing damage to roofs, grooming children, invading the public's privacy by hovering outside their bedroom windows, and insulting women with frequent shouts of "Ho! Ho! Ho!" (which is a colloquialism of African-American origin meaning roughly "Prostitute! Prostitute! Prostitute!").
In view of the possibility that this person may be in charge of a conveyance while over the permitted limit of alcohol, and that he may have failed to register his flight-plan with the Civil Aviation Authority, the police are anxious to trace his whereabouts, but he has so far proved elusive. A Harrier jump jet would be ideal for this task, but the police have been unable to find one due to them all being recently scrapped.
In a number of unrelated incidents, groups of people in many parts of the country have been apprehended gathering outside houses, singing religious chants regardless of the belief system selected by the residents, and demanding payment. A police spokesperson denied that there is any evidence of an organised nationwide protection racket, but seventeen people are in custody on charges of religious hate-crime and demanding mince-pies with menaces.
Merry ******* Christmas You Lot.
:D:D
