What are the results of being smacked.

[loz]

Britain banned any type of physical discipline in schools, that is why pupils can now ride roughshod over the teachers.  How many of us can remember a black board rubber come whizzing past your ear, or "I am going to have a word with your parents"    Today they look at you and shrug. 


I remember a time sitting in a hospital waiting room, my son was only young,  his appointment time came and went, he started to get fractious, throwing himself about as the pain got worse, I am his mum and knew that the signs were going to get worse and he was going to hit, so I pulled him to me and hugged him, he squirmed and shouted,  A woman, came over to me and told me off for restraining him as it could be hurting him, that as a mother I should see this and telling me to let him go, so I thought well OK I will you bl00dy knowall do gooder, I let him go and he ran off in her direction and promptly kicked her in the shins.


Sometimes, these do gooders and know-it-alls should keep their snouts out of what is going on, remember, because someone looks normal you never know what problems they do have.

 

[bewva]

I have to agree with both sides on this topic. I cant recall being smacked much as a child. I have 2 boys myself 1 who is 18 and 1 of 16.
The elder was an ideal child well behaved and mainly did as he was told. If he did something dangerous he was told. Maybe had a smack on the back of the hand but nothing to serious. The younger one was a nightmare. He was always up to something, never sat still and opposed a lot of what we or his teachers asked of him. He was diagnosed as having ADHD at about 9. Now I have heard it all from people about its down to bad parenting, not setting boundaries etc etc. and "kids didn't have that when we were younger". However the facts were that if you asked him to do something he would when he wanted to and no amount of pressure, coercing etc would change that. He would run out of school if he had a run in with a teacher etc. If you took his stuff off him he was an absolute nightmare. Did we give in and give it back? no.
He would get so wound up and get into temper tantrums that he would punch and kick walls and doors, at that point we as parents had to get hold of him and restrain him. We then became the thing that was kicked or punched. This would ultimately turn into a 'good' smack which would then leave him in a shocked state to cry in his room and come to terms with what has being going through his head. Later he would calm down and he would often apologise for his behavior. On one occasion we had to call the police / ambulance to get them to intervene as he was so uncontrollable. Now he is growing out of it fortunately. Would I swap them? No not a chance. But I don't believe that a person can say 'never' smack a child. It's not ideal and I wouldn't agree its a good way to teach right from wrong but sometimes needs must.

[Jacqui Harvey]

When I was at school the school had a system, three bad conduct marks in the week and the perpetrator got the cane.  So the next week the slate was wiped clean.  I always did my best not to get bad conduct marks as did my friends.   I never was caned.  I can say my school ran perfectly, no one ever gave cheek to a teacher or spoke back to them, no one disrupted classes and no one was excluded.
I also remember if kids where playing outside in the streets after school and anyone was seen by a Bobbie being bad they where so scared and a telling off was enough. 
So, why are things so different today?   I worked in a school when my kids where young and there was bad behaviour and disruption and the teachers could do very.  I remember on one occasion my daughter telling me her teacher kept poking her in the back and it was sore.  I went to see the teacher, who immediately panicked and told me she would get on the phone to the Region so it could be reported and investigated.  I told her, I did not want that, she was really surprised.  I just said to her, perhaps she had not noticed herself doing it and did not realise it worried my daughter.  It was soon forgotten.  However it just shows what pressure teachers are now under.

[Bluwise]

I have read the "absolutely NOT" carefully to try and understand but failed.  I have not seen any "absolutely MUST" thankfully as I could never understand that.
I do agree that families already on the radar of social services are possibly in need of guidance and support in how to parent but that guidance and support is just not needed by everyone.
I actually feel a little patronised by some of the posts offering suggestions for better parenting.   I also feel some of the language used quite excessive in suggesting a parent that smacks their child is committing violence against children or suggesting it could then be appropriate for the elderly. 
(I often feel the same when bullying, harassment or abuse are words used to describe what was once seen as teasing or name-calling. )

There are many, many children whose behaviour can be extremely bad at times (and that's another debatable point, what is bad behaviour?)  but not all have serious social issues or a medical condition.  Some are just being naughty.

I too would flip my lid if anyone else laid a finger on my kids/grandkids.  That is completely different and I have never agreed with the cane etc in schools.

Absolutely agree about consistent boundaries - the lack of which creates many of the behavioural challenges we have to cope with.   I always tried to be consistent and sometimes eventually gave in for the sake of my own sanity. 
Oddly, I find I am now totally consistent with my grandchildren - even over a couple of days of them staying with us.  In fact, I amaze myself how patient, calm and reasonable I can be …… all the way up to handing them back to their Mum and Dad!

[bewva]

Things are so different today because there is no respect for teachers, police or shop keepers etc.
The police have no powers these days. We had groups of lads causing trouble on a field outside our house which we eventually got the police to attend. We told the police all the goings on and they were very sympathetic then the group turned up, the police stayed in their car and basically had a banter with the lads. They told us they could not actually do anything. The lads basically took the mick out of them because they knew it.
When I was younger if a copper told me to move on I did just that, no lip or back chat. I would have been mortified to have them knock on the door and tell my parents.

[jondo]

How about Absolutely RIGHT, Bluwise? I agree with your comments and ‘handing them back to their Mum and Dad’ is a fantastic alternative strategy!

It’s clear that there is, and always has been, a polarisation of the problems and the solutions. Those, or most, of us on this forum, may I suggest, who did occasionally resort to a smack (not hit) didn’t do it willy-nilly and at the first sign of dissention. It was probably a last resort. And another last resort is removing benefits. Which also works when appropriate. But where some parents avoid using a ‘smack’ and resort to sending little Johnny off to bed without any supper, for example, this may be a disproportionate approach! The conflict of one solution being nobler than the other will always prevail. There is no Holy Grail answer.

[nichola]

Bluwise I think it is somewhat disingenuous on the one hand to say that you are genuinely interested in how to discipline a child without smacking and then say you feel patronised by the responses.

[Toky]

The "Naughty step" makes me cringe. Pinched from the actions of "Super Nanny", it's a piece of absolute nonsence.  Never heard anything soooooo ridiculous!

[peter16]

Those who advocate the "I only occasionally smacked" approach obviously have never been the little child waiting for the one little smack that becomes twenty punches, perhaps they would review their punishment methods if they had, no, I have never smacked our daughter and she knows why.

[Bluwise]

I don't think I've been disingenuous.   
 I really am interested and like to question and challenge in order to learn.  Unfortunately I do react if I feel someone is telling me only their way is right and what I and many others are doing is so very, very wrong despite the results mentioned here being balanced, loving, caring well-behaved children. 

I think it's simply that some of the words and expressions that have been used made me feel that those who smack their children are being perceived as violent and inferior and should learn the correct way to bring up children. 

I feel sickened that there are those who do behave in an unbelievably violent way and can see how vital it is to stop this but that is so far removed from what we are talking about here and I do not want to be associated even remotely, with that sort of horrific cruelty.   

Peter16 - Tell me how many parents have administered a smack and then tell me how many have then gone on to become child beating monsters?  You cannot assume that outcome.