If you have to do staff assessments and evaluations you'll like this.
Quotes taken from Actual Federal Employee Performance Evaluations
* Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig..
* I would not allow this employee to breed.
* This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.
* Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
* When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
* He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
* This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
* He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
* This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
* This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
* Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
* A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
* He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
* I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
* He's been working with glue too much.
* He would argue with a sign post.
* He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
* When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
* If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
* A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
* A prime candidate for natural de-selection
* Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
* Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
* Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
* If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
* If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
* If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
* It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
* One neuron short of a synapse.
* Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
* Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
* The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
