interfering family

[quackers]

My Mother ın law was living in sheltered accomodation and had no family left. My husband was an only chıld so we stayed tıll she dıed becasue she was Mum and we moved her near us so we could look after her. We used to tell her we were only waıtıng for her to dıe so we could go and lıve abroad and she would laugh. We don't regret it .Our chıldren on the other hand just said free holidays.

[angela]

sad tho it is to be an 'orphan' I lost my mum 27yrs ago, and my dad 8 yrs ago, it does have it's advantages. I just hope my kids won't be saying the same about me in years to come   

[suecheshireuk]

Sort of had my first taster of this on Friday.

Went to see my Dad. He and my Mum divorced over 30 years ago but are really good friends. They still live in the same village so see each other a lot. My dad is 83, still independent but starting to forget things.

My Mum (77) is really excited about us buying the Turkish property and she will be coming out with me and my daughter next week again for the second time.

My Dad though ..... he asked me on Friday about the house. How big etc, etc and then said, 'You're going to live there aren't you? Permanently.'

I said we probably would be doing that eventually. But he just got really upset and said that he would be 'one of those old people with no one who ever comes to see them'. I have a brother with 2 sons and a wife that my Dad thinks the world of. There's my Mum and there's my 3 kids too. He also has a sister.

Still found it very upsetting. I feel quite quilty. My Dad will not entertain the idea of visiting anywhere abroad. Ever.

My Mums words to me were " can't you wait till i die before you go?". Three years later she is still fighting fit, and moving to Yorkshire to be near my other sister, and moving away from a sister, so in effect if I had stayed she would have moved away to somewhere I probably wouldn't have visited that often anyway.   So glad I had the support of my kids, luckily my daughter is a peace maker and explained to the unhappy members of the family, that I have worked hard and deserve to do what I want to do for a change, and told them despite us still being young, you dont know whats round the corner, and explained they had just lost a very dear friend to cancer, by the time he was diagnosed it was terminal, and he was only 30, I think this was a reality check for them. Sue xx

[WordBird]

Originally, we didn't think we would move until Mr WB's mum and my stepdad had, um, shuffled off.
However, various life events over the past year made us rethink.

Ma-in-law had a hip replacement fairly recently and now sees herself as an invalid (even though she's theoretically fitter and able to be more active than she has for years.) She is trying everything to get us to change our minds, but the thing is - there's not really anything else wrong with her. She could live for another 5, 10, 15 or even 20 years. We're just not prepared to wait that long - we know only too well that "one day" might never come.

Sis-in-law, who has lived far away or overseas most of her life, is now living darn sarf and has told us we must go if we want to and she will try and persuade her mother to move closer to her.

My stepdad has massively surprised me by saying that although he wishes we weren't going, he understands why we are. He does have health issues (that he could do something about, but chooses not to) that mean he won't come visit us though; again, he could be around for 10 or 20 years.

It doesn't mean we're happy at leaving them, but we both believe we have to live the life that we feel is best for us, not for our parents. My son - who won't be coming to Turkey with us - was talking about going overseas himself next year. I'd never have dreamed of trying to talk him out of it - I want him to experience everything he can, do what he feels is right and be happy. I do appreciate that view might be different if you're elderly and have nobody else, but I'd hope I wouldn't try and emotionally blackmail him to stay.

[suecheshireuk]

I think our parents were of the generation that expected their children to be around to look after them when they get old, though I always say, they chose to have children, we didn't choose to have parents. I know if my children wanted to move away, and I was in the UK, I wouldn't  dream of playing the old emotional blackmail card, you cant expect to have children then tell them as responsible adults what they can and can't do with their lives.  It's very difficult when moving away, I have one friend who doesn't have any contact with her sisters ( not her choice), because they won't forgive her for leaving the UK, even though it had been planned for years. Oh well, families eh? Sue xx

[ArtyMar]

Well, I came to the UK from Oz on my 21st birthday and didn't go back for a visit for 15 years (loved it here so much!) and Mr AM came to these shores from South Africa in his early 20s about 8 years before me, so we couldn't complain when our daughter married a yank and decided to live in the US. We have relatives in Australia, South Africa, America, Netherlands, Israel and UK. Never really missed the Aussie sunshine until the last 10 years or so, but now there's Calis! Sydney has glorious sunsets too, btw.

[Harley]

At the end of the day it's your life and your discussion.  Had you said your were moving to Spain I'm sure they would have found some excuse.  I very much doubt it's because you want to move to Turkey, it's the fact that you are wanting to move abroad full stop.  Family and friends don't want loved ones moving away regardless of where that is.

I would say go for it.... Life is to short to have regrets. You'll either love it or hate, but you won't know until to do it. Personally i would move tomorrow if I could. What I wouldn't do is sell my property back in the UK just in case. Far too many people made that mistake to then find the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  Then again I'm talking of the same minded ones that only moved to Turkey purely because they thought they could live off the interest, when anyone with a bit of a brain knew the free ride would come to an end sooner or later.

Like most of us you obviously love Turkey, so go with your heart.

[WordBird]

I think our parents were of the generation that expected their children to be around to look after them when they get old, though I always say, they chose to have children, we didn't choose to have parents.

Very true. When my aunt had her second child, a girl, her ma-in-law said to her: "It's good you've got a girl this time, at least you know you'll have someone to take you in and care for you when you're old."

My aunt said she had no intention of moving in with her kids, that she wasn't their responsibility and would never want them to feel obliged to shape their lives around her.

[joyandgary]

At the end of the day it's your life and your discussion.  Had you said your were moving to Spain I'm sure they would have found some excuse.  I very much doubt it's because you want to move to Turkey, it's the fact that you are wanting to move abroad full stop.  Family and friends don't want loved ones moving away regardless of where that is.

I would say go for it.... Life is to short to have regrets. You'll either love it or hate, but you won't know until to do it. Personally i would move tomorrow if I could. What I wouldn't do is sell my property back in the UK just in case. Far too many people made that mistake to then find the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  Then again I'm talking of the same minded ones that only moved to Turkey purely because they thought they could live off the interest, when anyone with a bit of a brain knew the free ride would come to an end sooner or later.

Like most of us you obviously love Turkey, so go with your heart.

Hi Thanks for your post , i agree with you , we would also move tomorrow , but huby has to work for another 2 and half yers  , then we can move ,  us too can't rely on interest rates in the bank .
We are so looking forward to taking the leap and if family use the Oh don't go , as my husbands mother does to him when he phones her, He then says mam , we only see you every two years as it is , with us living one end of the country to them , Thank god ha ha ,But we will go and give it a try and if all fails , we came back and can say at least we give it a GO .............. thanks joy

[suecheshireuk]

I would say go for it.... Life is to short to have regrets. You'll either love it or hate, but you won't know until to do it. Personally i would move tomorrow if I could. What I wouldn't do is sell my property back in the UK just in case. Far too many people made that mistake to then find the grass isn't always greener on the other side. 

Quite agree about keeping a house in the UK.  This is what we have done, and we don't have the responsibility of the upkeep of a property in Turkey as we rent, and we have a bolt hole in the UK should we decide to go back, though at the moment we can't think of a reason why we would want to.  Sue xx