I have studied supermarkets to full amateur level for many years and have informed Mrs Scunner on many of my findings, one of which the law that states it is better to be third in one till queue, than next in another but behind old duffers. Recently we went together and I was pleased to see she had taken that little pearl of wisdom in.
Behind us at the till in Morrisons, a little old lady joined our queue, with just a pack of bacon in her hand. When our turn came, we looked at our full trolley and then the old lady and there was only one thing to do, and Mrs Scunner ushered the old lady through to buy her little pack of bacon. Us waiting for 60 seconds was fair enough when you consider how long the old lady would have to had waited for us.
Oh no, nothing is as simple as that, even when it comes to thinking of others and doing a good turn. The woman had, somewhere, a 50p off voucher. Could she find it? She recalled seeing it next to her handbag just before she left home and was absolutely certain she hadn't left it at home. The till operator's suggestion that she may have put it in her purse was greeted as being unlikely but worth a try. After an absolute age, a 50p voucher was finally produced. There is a God. Ah but no. It's 50p off bacon, and yes it is this brand of bacon, but it's 50p off when you buy two packs. The old lady is shown the voucher, specifically where it says 50p off 2x packs but the writing is too small. She fumbles in her coat pockets. I give Mrs Scunner a look that can only mean "If she is going to spend another 5 minutes searching, but this time for her glasses, I am going to have a temporary nervous breakdown and the old lady is going to suffer death by windpipe obstruction caused by vacupak". She gives up on the whole glasses idea and for about the fourth time informs the till lady that old people would never use two packs of bacon. Then she remembers, her neighbour works for Morrison and she said it would be ok! - but she can't remember her name. She takes time to try, a little too much time. She is immune to heavy sighs, theatrical walking away in pure frustration and even slap drumming of rubber conveyor belts, to the beat of "pay for it or die of natural causes you old cow". In the end, she doesn't get the 50p off. She explains that two packs less 50p would be a false economy for someone of her age, so not only has it taken 20 minutes to ascertain she won't be getting 50p off her bacon, she didn't buy the bloody bacon!!!
The moral of the story is, rather than using chivalry when it comes to senior citizens, ignore them completely.
